The Struggle of Being Aware .. {Event #2/Reflection}

Ok.

My mind has been tinted. Formed and shaped into the media’s imagery. Over the years, my mind has come to think that I should be a certain way. Many other girls face, what I’m facing. They feel the way I feel almost daily. I have spent countless hours, looking in the mirror, tear streaks on my face, and a magazine in my hand, asking why. “Why can’t I look like them?” “Why can’t I be as skinny as them?” “Why do I have to be the fat one?”

About a month ago, I went to go see a documentary with a friend in my class. It was about how the media affects men, women and children alike. I was able to share a few laughs with my friend and kept my emotions at bay because I kept myself distanced from what the documentary was saying. I heard it and let it go. It talked about what girls put themselves through because of what society says is perfect. I didn’t want to feel what those girls were feeling; I was in a good place. Soon enough, we had a discussion in class today about media ideology. We were watching a video about the Medias ideology about perfect women.  This one got to me. I couldn't help but shed a few tears because I knew what was happening and I couldn’t do anything about it. I know that I was going to talk about it; talk about how the media kinda sucks, go home and look into the mirror and ask “what is wrong with me? Why am I so fat. Why is my skin so awful? Why am I not tall enough?” This struggle I face, I keep hidden. People around me, who try to get to know me would say I am a very upbeat, happy person, when sometimes behind closed doors, I am not. However, the truth remains secreted.  Sometimes I say that I belong in Hollywood as an actress, because I am so good in acting the part, day after day.  I act happy when deep down, I’m fighting a battle. I still continue to look at myself and compare me to others; to really nice beautiful people. I act the role because I don’t want to be asked questions. Questions like “why don’t you see yourself as beautiful?” or “Why don’t you think positive” or my favorite “Why are you over exaggerating?” I try to avoid those questions because I don’t know how to answer them. I try to avoid them at all cost, even if that means putting a smile on and entertaining the people around me.  Now I’m not saying that I am a negative, isolated person from everyone who stays upset crying in the dark.  I’m just saying that there are times, where I would rather just stay to myself and think.

I call this the struggle of being aware. This is when you know the lies being told to you, but your so stuck in the loop, you can't find a way out. I KNOW these are not realistic women, but somehow, I yearn to be like them. It’s weird but sometimes if feel this way the most when people who are about size 4, 5, 6 tell me they are too fat. HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL WHEN YOU SAY THAT? Now my mind is saying “at least you’re not as big as me”, but what comes out of my mouth is “No, you look great. Even so, every girl needs her curves *applies smile*.”

           This is something I never really liked to talk about but I know that there are many girls fighting their wars like I am. I just want to say to those girls: Don’t be like me. Don’t think you ugly, because you are not. Don’t think you're fat, because you are not. Don’t think you’re not good enough, because you are. Have the self-confidence I pray for every day. Have the strength to help others feel good about themselves, instead of worse. Don’t think you can’t wear what you want to wear because of what others think because you can. Be beautiful, because you are. Don’t be like me and hide your emotions to put on a show. Don’t let the media control you and tell you,  you are not good enough, because you are good enough to rule the world.  DO NOT DOUBT YOURSELF.

Do not act like me. Be strong, be confident, and be a voice for those who need it. Be beautiful and simply be you.

I’ll get there soon… 

Media Ideology [[Reflection/Connections]]

I have to say, this reading was somewhat confusing for me to understand but one thing I did get out of it was this term: Ideology. But what is ideology? Good question! According to Croteau, ideology has many meanings. But the meaning that is relevant for this subject is “basically a system of meaning that helps define and explain the world and that makes value judgments about that world. Ideology is related to concepts such as worldview, belief system, and values, but it is broader than those terms” (159-160). Croteau talked a lot about the media’s creation of ideology that was surrounded by violence and religion. He said “after the tragic shootings a Colorado’s Columbine High School in 1999, politicians from across the political spectrum focused on violent video games as one of the causes of the violence” (160).he also talked about how the media was blamed for over exaggerating Clinton affair scandal, causing Clinton's almost-impeachment.

 Another thing that Croteau talked about was rap and heavy metal music. Croteau brought up Eminem’s album called The Marshall Mathers LP. I was only seven when I was nominated for Album of the Year, but this caused some hullabaloo in the media because of the rapper’s angry lyrics, and insulting words towards women, gays and lesbians. Croteau also talked about media’s relation to reality.  Croteau states “the question is not whether such media images are “realistic” depictions because analysts of ideology generally perceive the definition of the “real” as, itself, an ideological construction. Which aspects of whose “reality” do we define as the most real? Those that are the most visible? The most common? The most powerful?” I don’t know if this is what he taught when writing this, but what I thought of was something reading class called Cinderella Ate My Daughter. The images we get from the media, that twist and craft young boys and girls minds to what they THINK is perfect. It’s unrealistic but sometimes we cannot help but get sucked into their money making lies. The media puts out things like the hot thin model, the sexy guy models, t perfect house wife and the man of the house. But who are they to “depict the “appropriate” roles of men and women, parents and children, or bosses and workers?”

To me the main point was to be aware of media ideology because what is said can be twist by media, politicians, etc. 

Four More Years! [2012 Election]

Minutes into the final run... and he takes the lead! He’s running, RUNNING and … Oh My Goodness, He won the race! Barack Obama has won the race. That was a close one folks...

It is true Obama has won the Presidency for another 4 years. And let me tell you, this was the loneliest experience I’ve had being a first time voter, but it’s no one’s fault. So to complete my assignment, I kept my eyes glued to the social networks, especially Twitter and Facebook! People, including myself, were getting nervous on the closeness of the race. Romney was ahead at one point and it had people doubting the outcome. At one point someone who voted for Romney made a fun bet with another person who voted for Obama. My Facebook and Twitter were full of hopeful Obama voters and things like “#TeamObama”, “Obama2012”, and occasionally “#Romney2012”. I did have some good laughs with my peers online but my nerves went crazy watching as the candidates receive votes point by point. At the end of the outcome, we went insane with happiness that Obama has won another term. I am also happy, but I do hope (and have faith) that Obama is going to do everything he said he would...

Now for a victory dance: D