Sunday, October 28, 2012

To Be or Not To Be Sex Positive, That Is The Question... [[Quotes]]


    Ok so, there were two articles we had to read this week. One from Wikipedia and another from a blog called “the Frisky”.  Even though the Wikipedia article was AWESOME (-ish), I kind of understood the article from “the Frisky” better. She gave 8 ways to be sex positive.  And even though I am a sex animal in waiting, (getting a ring on that finger ;)) and cannot physically relate to what White said, I think she made some important points. Here are 3 of her points to be sex positive:

1.       Stop glamorizing sex: When I read this, all I could think of was the MEDIA and HOLLYWOOD. Back in the good o’ days, sex was meant to be special and with the person you love. Nowadays, it seems like a lot of people are having sex and it means nothing. In the article, White explains this as “talking about your sex life as if it’s better than someone else’s is glamorizing sex, and that doesn't move the dialog forward.” The fact is “glamorizing helps cement the idea that sex all the time should be the goal instead of knowing your desire levels and honoring those.”

2.       Just because it doesn't turn you on doesn't mean it’s wrong: Feet fetish, balloon fetish, and the people who get turned on by the sound if a blender… they exist, believe me. And there’s nothing word with what starts their motors. All because you may feel “grossed out” about how they are feeling doesn't mean that it’s wrong. Something that turns you on may be the weirdest thing ever to the next person, so how are you to judge? White says “Other sex writers have pointed out that using this kind of knee-jerk, personal reaction as a basis for saying something is “wrong” is what has helped keep LGBTQ people marginalized and discriminated against.” Is there a connection being made here? I hope so: Something (or someone) who doesn't turn you on doesn't mean it’s wrong, it means you’re different… Enjoy that

3.       Know Thyself: Know yourself and know your limits. Don’t feel the need to do what other people are doing. White asks questions like “what is this doing for me? How do I feel afterward? How is my sex life impacting other areas of my life?” to see where she stands and then says “Just because you like something sexually doesn't mean it is good for you. Remember, sex positivity is not sexual hedonism.” Liking something sexual is not a bad thing, but too much of a good thing IS a bad thing. 

8 comments:

  1. These are some great talking points. However, you say that you are a sex animal in waiting. Now don't get me wrong, good for you for waiting for that special guy, but I don't understand how you know you are going to be an animal if you never experienced it. To me, I see it as test driving a new car. You need to get a feel for things, you aren't going to just buy the car and not give it a few drives around the block, cause you may not like it in the long run. Also, you may not know what you like as a person. There are a lot of factors that play into sex. Now I'm not saying to go out and bang some random person, but it is good to know what you like to be sex-positive once you start having sex. But once again good for you for waiting, I promise I'm not trying to be an asshole.

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  2. Once again, I agree with Mike, to an extent. I think it is a great thing that you are waiting for the right guy and I was planning on doing the same thing. I wanted to wait until I found the perfect guy, got married, and lost my virginity on my wedding night, blah blah blah. But then life happens. I completely agree with Mike that you really need to find out what you like before hand. And that doesn't mean sleeping with everybody you meet, it just means that you shouldn't have to feel like you need to wait. I found someone who loves me and I love him, so I trusted him not to just have sex with me and leave. I find it completely admirable that you survived high school without giving into peer pressure, I know how difficult it is!!!

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  3. I understand what you guys are saying. I've been told about the test drive (and no Mike, you are not an asshole). I know what you two mean by saying that I need to have a feel for things and I will. I guess I'm on a trail like Noelle's but just waiting a little longer. I promise i won't got screwing someone off the street but things change. i guess its a waiting game...
    but really guys, thanks :D

    And Noelle: Being straight and going to an all girls high school doesn't make the pressure hard lol :)

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  4. sigh.. its hard to explain. But let me ask yous a question: Mike, have you ever thought about waiting? and Noelle, do you think you had a good choice?

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  5. I went through High School a virgin, at the time it didn't bother me. I lost my virginity at 19 with my now ex-girlfriend. We were actually each others first. So the special connection was there and we trusted each other to allow it to happen. If I were to have lost it to someone who wasn't as special I would have regretted it, I don't regret what did happen. As for waiting, no I haven't thought of it and never really did. I like to take life as it happens so the thought of waiting never really crossed my mind. You just need to find that someone special.

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  6. Of course I think I made a good choice, I was a virgin throughout high school, Matt (my boyfriend) and I had been together for over a year, and during that time he had proven to me that he truly wanted to be with me (by being with me through my 9th brain surgery, and more). The only time I regretted it, was a couple days later but looking back, I have no regrets. Matt and I have talked about it and it made our relationship stronger. I love him and he loves me and it just shows us that we are in it for the long run. He feels bad sometimes because he knows I wanted to wait until we were married but like the article says, we are all sexual beings.

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  7. hi Ronie,
    OMG what was that, good thoughts,:) I think that its a family oriented and cultural background of respect for one another too.

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  8. I love how you brought in the media because that's the biggest thing for me, how the media glamorizes sex. Exactly, what happened to sex being special between you and the person you love, I think its good to wait, and get married but like Noelle said "then life happens" sometimes you do get completely swept off your feet and you just really find that love, and you just know in your heart and its hard to wait. Whether you wait until your married or not thats fine.I dont think its like testing a car for some. Some people find that one person and you slowly get that experience together.

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